


Five Stages of Grief

by AceAvenger



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Bunker Ending (Far Cry), Choking, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Enemies to Lovers, Force-Feeding, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Nonbinary Character, Other, Post-Game(s), Resist Ending (Far Cry), Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, Unhealthy Relationships, this is not a happy story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:15:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24972958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceAvenger/pseuds/AceAvenger
Summary: In Dutch's bunker, Deputy Blue Murphy deals with the five stages of grief while also dealing with Joseph Seed.
Relationships: Deputy | Judge/Joseph Seed
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Five Stages of Grief

**Author's Note:**

> Blue is a non binary character and uses they/them pronouns. Also, I've tried to add all the appropriate warnings. If I missed anything, let me know and I will add them.

**_I. Denial_ **

Blue awoke, groaning from the pain of the car crash. Their head swam, still foggy from banging it against the dashboard once or twice. Blue wasn’t sure how many times they hit their head. Attempting to stand, the room tilts around Blue in a dizzying blur. “FUCK!” Blue swore as they stumbled to the ground with the handcuffs impeding their movement. Out of the corner of their eyes, Blue noticed Joseph Seed, the man who made their life a living hell. A shiver runs down their spine as they remember their last conversation with him in the bunker. Blue and Joseph would not become a family; Blue would never allow it. They yank the handcuffs again; they will get out of Dutch’s bunker and find their friends. Sheriff Whitehorse, Pratt, and Hudson, along with the friends they made in Hope County, were still out there.

“You’re awake, Blue.” He states, using their nickname rather than calling them ‘child’ or ‘Deputy’. Coward probably felt more confident with Blue tied up; that was his mistake.

“Only my friends call me, Blue, and you are definitely not a friend!” Blue snarls. Joseph sighed in disappointment, ignoring their comment.

He walked toward Blue, kneeling before them. Blue pushed away from Joseph; the distance limited by the handcuffs chained to the bed. “Fear not, Blue. I will not harm you; you are all I have left.” He spoke softly as if dealing with a skittish, wild animal. Joseph cupped Blue’s face with both his hand. Blue’s stomach churned, fighting back the urge to gag in his face.

They yank their face from his hands, anxiety rising in their chest. “NO! I still have my friends out there, Joseph. I know some of them had to survive this. You’re the only one with no one left to care for you. My friends are going to come looking for me, and when they find me, we’re going to kick your ass again.”

Anger flared in Joseph’s eyes and Blue realizes it’s probably not wise to provoke him when they are chained to a bed frame with limited means of escape. He sighed deeply, closing his eyes for a moment. “Even in the collapse, you still hold onto your pride. We will have time to cleanse you of that pride, seven years.” Joseph grabbed their face roughly, pulling Blue closer to him.

Blue hates staring into his eyes, wild with fervor and delusions. For once in Blue’s life, they wished Joseph wore his shitty piss, colored aviators. “You’re not going to cleanse me of anything. As I said, I’m getting out of this bunker with my friends when they find me.”

Joseph smiles sadly, resting his forehead against Blue’s. “They are not coming for you, Blue. I tried to save them, but you gave them false hope, closing the Gates of Eden. You need to accept your role in their deaths and your new role. We are a family, and when the time comes, we will be the ones to rebuild the Earth.”

Blue nearly gagged. “We’ll never be a fucking family.” They snarled, fury in their eyes.

Joseph pulled away, pity bright in his eyes. “You will come to accept this in time.”

**_II. Anger_ **

Blue’s skin crawled, desperate to be anywhere but Dutch’s bunker. When Joseph released Blue from the handcuffs, which was rare, he restrained Blue in other ways. Joseph cooked for them both, feeding Blue his shitty, watery cooking. Blue now understood why the residents of Hope County had been wary of the Seed siblings after their Mac and Cheese; They would have thought Joseph was purposely trying to give them food poisoning if they didn’t know better. Blue slept on the floor, still handcuffed and sore every morning. Speaking of the devil, Joseph stepped into the room, smiling softly at the sight of Blue. Wrath roared in their chest, and Blue wanted to punch the goddamn smile off his face. Why did Joseph, who made their life a living hell, get to wander around their friend’s bunker, free?

“How are you feeling, Blue?” He asked, ignoring Blue’s murderous glare.

“Fucking shitty now that you are here.” Blue snarled, jerking at the handcuffs. They itched to wrap their hands around his throat, watching the life fade from his eyes.

He frowned, clearly displeased and disappointed. What did he want from Blue? For Blue to fawn over him and beg for his mercy? It’d be a cold day in hell before that happened. “Despite Pride being your sin, we will have to do something about your wrath, Blue. I can no longer let this go without penance.” God, he sounded like a disappointed father.

“If you really wanted to pay penance, you could go out into the fucking hellscape and leave me the fuck be.”

He tsked as if reprimanding an unruly child. “Blue, we need to make this work. I need you to accept your sins and start the path of repentance. I love you, Blue. All you need to do is accept that love.” Joseph knelt in front of them. A reckless thought crossed their mind, one that would surely get Blue in trouble. Pulling their head back, Blue slammed their head into Joseph’s. His nose cracked with a satisfying sound. Joseph yelped, crawling backward from Blue. A wave of satisfaction rolled over Blue, who grinned maliciously at Joseph.

“There’s more where that came from, asshole.” Blue snarls, desperate for a fight. “Unlike your siblings, I’m not fucking afraid of you.”

Joseph stilled, his hand dropping from his nose. He watches Blue, a dark storm raging in his piercing blue eyes. Another wave of satisfaction rolls over Blue as they notice the blood dripping from his nose. Blue continued the verbal punches. “I’m not like John, always vying for your attention. You know, I kinda felt bad for him. All John wanted was to be loved and you were just another selfish fucker who took advantage of him. Or maybe, you’ll just replace me as you did with your sister? Oh, wait, you can’t. There isn’t anyone else here. Did you even give a shred of a fuck when she died?”

A dark ugly laugh escapes from Blue. Joseph is now trembling, his fists clenched. Blue knows they should stop; they’re never this cruel. They should be better than a megalomaniac cult leader, they need to be better than him. Yet, Blue continues with the final verbal twist of the knife. “Don’t get me started on Jacob. You just threw him to the fucking wolves. Now, that’s just cold.”

Joseph launches himself at Blue, finally snapping from their insults. The two crash into the bed frame with Joseph straddling Blue as his fingers wrap tightly around their throat. Blue thrashed beneath him, desperately gasping for air. Looking into Joseph’s eyes, all Blue could see was pure, unfiltered rage. “Don’t you dare talk about them that way.” He snarls, his grip tightening.

Blue’s thrashing weakens, the world darkening around them. The only upside of dying was the idea that they wouldn’t have to be alone with Joseph in this shitty bunker. A small smile appears on Blue’s face, accepting their death. His hands suddenly release their throat and on instinct, Blue sucks in air like a man dying of thirst. Joseph watched them, his eyes wide with horror. Blue’s not sure why; he gouged out a man’s eyes before like it wasn’t a big deal. “It is not your time to leave this earth yet, Blue. The new world needs you. Our flock will need you.” Softer, he adds, “I will need you.” Gently, he presses his lips against Blue’s lips, his hand holding the back of their neck.

Blue wishes he would have killed them.

**_III. Bargaining_ **

After Joseph’s attempted murder of Blue or the ‘Family Spat’ or whatever he was fucking referring to it as bruises blossomed on Blue’s throat. Every time Joseph looked at Blue, guilt shone brightly in his eyes. At first, Blue would grow angry, cutting verbally in any way they could. Joseph would stare at them with pity, and when Blue finally tired, he would gently kiss and take care of the bruises on their throat, promising no harm would ever come to Blue by his hand.

However, a new idea struck Blue, another one of their reckless stunts. During most missions, Blue needed Grace, or Nick there as a voice of reason. Jess, Hurk, and Sharky tended to encourage their reckless stunts. When Joseph entered the room to check on Blue one morning, they straightened up, eager to see him. He eyed Blue cautiously, wondering what trick they had up their sleeve. “There you are. I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.” Blue said entirely, too cheerful. “I’ve got an idea.”

Joseph knelt before Blue, raising an eyebrow. “I know how your ideas have turned out before. There is always so much death and destruction in your wake with little consideration of your actions.”

Blue rolled their eyes. “This isn’t one of those ideas where I kill or blow something up.” Joseph frowned in disappointment and Blue continued hastily, “You can still talk to the voice, right?”

“Yes…I can still pray to the voice.” He replied hesitantly. Was his dear Blue finally turning over a new leaf?

“Good, and the voice is God, right?”

“Yes…”

“Well, tell the voice I’ll do what it wants if it brings back my friends. I don’t care if the world is still an apocalyptic hellscape. I just want my friends back.”

Joseph laughed harshly. “It’s not a telephone line where I request things from the almighty Father. I can only listen to what he asks of me or what he chooses for me to see.”

Blue recoiled as if Joseph slapped them. “Please Joseph, just give it a try. Please!” They begged, desperation in their eyes.

“I’m a humble messenger of the Lord. I do not have the power to bring those who have passed back from the dead.” He said, looking at Blue with pity. Joseph had already begged for his family and look where it had brought him. Alone with his greatest enemy, trapped in a bunker to save this wicked soul.

“Hell, I’ll do whatever you want me to do Joseph. Please just try to talk to the voice on my behalf.” Blue bit their lip, thinking momentarily. Sometimes, Blue caught him looking at them as if a wolf were looking at prey, ready to pounce. He looked at Blue that way, even before the apocalypse happened. Sometimes, when he was caring for the bruises on their neck, Blue could feel his hands at the edge of their collarbone, tempted to let his hands roam. “I’ve seen how you look at me, Joseph. I’m not a fucking idiot. Please, I’ll do whatever you want.” Blue pressed their lips’ against Joseph’s, desperate to show they were truly willing to do anything. He pushed Blue against the bed frame, deepening the kiss. Joseph’s fingers dug into their hips, pulling Blue close to him, and moaning into the kiss. He relished the warmth and softness of Blue, eager for a human connection.

_This is wrong_ , his brain reminded him, and Joseph could feel his senses returning to him. He shoved Blue away from him, ignoring the hurt look on their face. Joseph would need to repent for this later; lust could be dangerous if left unchecked. Blue would need to repent as well but trying to get them to repent now would be a lost cause. They would need to repent willingly, of their own volition. Joseph could only show them the path. “Don’t you want me?” Blue asked, their voice unsteady with fear and confusion. He quickly moved to his feet, turning his back to Blue and striding towards the door.

Joseph placed his hand on the knob of the door. With one last look over his shoulder, Joseph said, “I want you to come willingly to me, not because you wish to gain something.” Stepping out of the room, Joseph could hear Blue beg for him to come back, desperate to do anything he wanted for their friends’ lives.

**_IV. Depression_ **

“Good morning, Blue.” Joseph greeted joyfully. All was going well this morning, and now it was time for him to share breakfast with Blue. “How would you like to join me at the table?” He asked, attempting to extend an olive branch to the Deputy. Slumped against the bed frame, Blue looked up at him, steel blue eyes dull and hollow. They shrugged, their head returning to rest against the frame. He sighed, disliking the new version of Blue. After they discussed the voice, Blue sat there, all their fight gone. Until now, Joseph never realized how much he relished the bright spark that burned within Blue, the way they seemed to light up a room. “Blue, I asked if you would- “

“What’s the point in eating?” Blue replied, emotionless, and hollow. Joseph shook his head; he could not allow Blue to starve to death. Joseph knew that his chances of survival were limited without Blue, and he knew, with even all they had done, he would need their skills to protect any survivors. His pleasant mood took a downward tumble at Blue’s lethargy.

Kneeling beside them, Joseph unlocked their handcuffs. Blue didn’t move, only watching with disinterest and annoyance. “Will you walk, or will I need to carry you over to the table?” Joseph asked. He hoped by allowing Blue this freedom it would alight the spark within them. Blue only shrugged, barely appearing to have heard him. “Carrying it is.” He kneeled, scooping Blue up in a bridal carry. They laid limply in his arms, dead weight. Before, Blue would have scrambled out of his arms, wrathfully screaming at Joseph not to touch them. A small part of Joseph hoped this meant their relationship was changing, but he knew it was the depression that allowed Joseph to carry them. He carried Blue quietly to the makeshift kitchen/dining room/living room.

“Blue, I need you to sit in the chair. Do you think you can do that for me?” He asked gently as if he was speaking to a child. Blue nodded, and he let them down gently with Blue sliding into the chair. Joseph grabbed two bowls of oatmeal, placing one bowl down in front of Blue. He sat down at the other end of the table, grabbing a spoon, and digging into the oatmeal. Blue just sat there, unmoving, staring at the bowl of oatmeal. Joseph expected them to make some sort of snarky comment, yet they were utterly silent. He sighed, placing his spoon down and wiping his mouth with a napkin.

“Do you not like oatmeal,’ He asked, ‘In all our time in the bunker, you’ve never told me what kind of food you enjoy.”

Blue shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. There’s no point in eating except to delay the inevitable.”

“Blue…” He sighed.

Blue shook their head. “Everyone I’ve ever given a fuck about is dead. I’m stuck in this bunker with my fucking worst enemy. I can’t stop having nightmares about my friends dying or your brother’s stupid music box. There is no hope. We’ll be stuck down here forever, in this hell.”

Joseph looked at them with pity. He could find solace in God; Blue did not have that comfort or at least, he assumed they didn’t’. He needed to remind them that they were chosen to go into Eden, into paradise. “Blue, all is not lost. I’ve had visions of the world ending, but I’ve also had visions of the new paradise that will be created. We must persevere through seven years for the gates of Eden to open to us. Do not give up hope.”

Blue glared at him, finally showing some emotion. “Eden doesn’t fucking exist. When we get out there, it’ll be a fucking nightmare apocalypse hellscape. I don’t want to survive seven years to see that. Just let me fucking die.”

His hand tightened around the spoon, angry at Blue for not understanding the gift they were being given, the gift his siblings had died for. You must show love to them, he reminded himself. HE released the spoon, staring Blue in the eyes. “We will survive this. You will survive this. Eden will be waiting for us, just as the voice promised.”

Staring him straight in the eyes, Blue snarled, “Fuck. You. And. The-“. As Blue spoke, Joseph grabbed the cuffs near Blue, and roughly pulled their arms behind them, cuffing them. Afterward, he grabbed their jaw roughly, and sat on their lap, pinning Blue beneath him. Scooping some oatmeal into a spoon, Joseph shoved the spoon into Blue’s mouth. They gagged, thrashing beneath him. He pulled the spoon out of their mouth, getting up and standing over Blue. Blue coughed the oatmeal onto the table, glaring up at him. “What. The. Fuck.” Blue snarled.

“You will eat the food provided to you or I will feed it to you,” Joseph stated simply, holding the spoon out to Blue. He would free them from the handcuffs once they had made their choice.

Sadness and despair washed over Blue, and tears welled in the corner of their eyes. “Why won’t you just let me go?” They asked, voice breaking.

Joseph gently placed the spoon on the table and knelt beside Blue. Wiping the tears away from the corner of their eyes, Joseph smiled kindly. “Because, I love all my children, Blue. Even the ones like you who keep rejecting my love at every turn.”

**_V. Acceptance_ **

Blue and Joseph fell into a steady routine over the next few months. Joseph would get up early to pray while Blue would make breakfast, their cooking skills only marginally better than Joseph’s. The two would eat their breakfast together, and Blue would be allowed to roam around the bunker, no longer chained to the bed frame. At first, Blue avoided Joseph at all costs, focusing on taking stock of supplies in Dutch’s bunker. They didn’t find it hard to avoid Joseph since he stayed in one room most of the time. Occasionally, he would wander out to find Blue and lecture them on his teachings. Eventually, Blue started seeking out Joseph, asking him questions about his life or any other topic that came to mind. Joseph and Blue continued to share their meals, and Blue found they enjoyed eating with Joseph. At night, Joseph would pray again, and Blue would read before turning in for the night. All in all, Blue found they were starting to like Joseph, accepting this new fate in life.

_Blue sat at the small folding table, cards in hand with Staci to the right, and Joey to the left. Sheriff Whitehorse sat straight across from Blue. Staci, Joey, and Sheriff Whitehorse all had a bottle of beer in front of them while Blue had a can of orange soda. They enjoyed the regular poker nights with their colleagues. Blue found it easy to joke with Joey and Staci would be unable to stop laughing at the two of them. Sheriff Whitehorse would shake his head affectionately, joining in occasionally. “I think it’s your turn, Joey,” Blue said, smiling at her._

_Joey shook her head. “No, we’re not. I confessed to my sins, yet you’re still alive. I can’t get into Eden because you were too selfish to confess.” She shouted at Blue, jamming her finger at them. Blue recoiled in guilt, confused at Joey’s outburst._

_Staci looked as if he was about to cry. “I was weak, but Jacob was making me stronger. Why did you have to live? Why did I have to die?” Blue pushed their chair back, standing up. What the hell was going on? Their chest tightened, the guilt threatening to overtake them._

_Blue looked over at Sheriff Whitehorse, only to find him staring at them with disappointment. “I was happy in the Bliss, Rook. Why couldn’t you let me be?”_

Blue awoke with a start, gasping for air. They wiped at the tears, trying to hold back the sobs. Another nightmare; another night of friends blaming Blue for their deaths. While this was a milder nightmare, Blue thought that their friends were right to blame Blue. Blue denied their friends any chance for salvation, any chance for hope. Blue ran a hand through their golden-brown hair, trying to calm down. Functioning on autopilot, Blue got up from their bed and walked to Joseph’s room. They opened the door, heading towards him when they stopped. What the hell was Blue doing?

Joseph awoke, pushing himself up on his elbow and pushing a strand of long hair out of his face. “Blue?” He asked groggily in slight disbelief. 

“I’m sorry. Don’t worry about it.” Blue replied mechanically, turning stiffly to walk out of the room.

“Blue, please don’t leave.’ He said, scooting over and patting for Blue to lay down next to him, ‘You can confess your troubles to me no matter what time it is.”

Biting their lip, Blue decided to lay down next to Joseph, facing him. He yawned, pushing a strand of Blue’s hair out of their face. They scooted closer to Joseph, feeling comforted by his presence. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be alone right now.”

“Don’t apologize for not wanting to be alone. Did you have another nightmare?”

Blue nodded, tears welling again in their eyes. “Staci, Joey, Whitehorse, and I used to have poker nights at the station every Thursday. It was just a time to sit around, relax, and bond as a team. In my nightmare, it was poker night again and they were blaming me for their death. I guess I’m lucky they didn’t try to shove poker chips down my throat or use their cards as throwing knives.” Blue joked, trying to play it off.

“You don’t need to pretend around me, Blue. Tell me what really ails you.” He said, rubbing their arm gently.

“I just wanted to protect people and help them. Instead, I was responsible for their deaths.” Blue explained, breaking down. They closed their eyes, trying to shut out the pain.

“Look at me,” Joseph commanded, and Blue opened their eyes. He pressed his forehead against Blue’s forehead. “Do not blame yourself. You know not what you were doing.”

“But, didn’t I?” Blue interjected, sitting up and turning away from him. “I’m fucking poison. You’re not afraid that I’ll lead you astray too?” They couldn’t understand why Joseph even thought there was something worth redeeming in Blue. At this point, they were liable to drag him down too.

Joseph shook his head as he gently grabbed Blue’s chin and turned Blue to face him. Placing his hand on the back of their neck, Joseph pressed his forehead against them again. “You were spared, Blue. You have been given a chance to repent, to make a new life for yourself. It remains to be seen what you do with it. If you want, this can be your chance to help me lead the survivors into Eden.”

Blue stared deeply into his eyes, looking for any lies, but they could find none, only the truth. “You’re right. I can help them; I can help them survive.” Without thinking, Blue pressed their lips against Joseph. “Please don’t leave me.” They whispered, feeling vulnerable.

Joseph returned the kiss, deepening it. When the two pulled away, he spoke softly. “Blue, I will never leave you. You have my word.”


End file.
